Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Traffic time thoughts...

A few observations from my drive home today:

A truck trailer carrying a port-a-potty will clear the slow lane pretty damn fast.

Even though I know failure is inevitable, I will always attempt to harmonize with the Indigo Girls while they sing 'Galileo'.

People from Illinois do not know how to drive.

It is impossible to perfect the steering wheel drum solo of 'SHE' (Green Day) without being noticed by other drivers.

Just because you can squeeze two people into a Smart Car doesn't mean you should.

Smart Cars are dumb.

Bankers boxes, stolen from work, sitting on the front passenger seat make great note pads for things like blog post ideas.


Friday, July 20, 2012

CHRISTMAS IN JULY!

Oh my gosh.
Oh my gosh.
Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh.

OH. MY. GOSH!

Have you ever been so excited for something that you just can't sit still?!

You know that kind of child-like anticipation that makes you giggle 'til you feel like you might wet your pants? (Some of my Fan Clubbers are a bit older, so you may experience this on a daily basis--bless you.)

Like when you wake up on Christmas morning and Santa has left you exactly what you asked for? Sort of like this:



Well guess what Fan Club ... SANTA didn't update his version of Google calendar and now we get to celebrate Christmas in July!!

You heard me right! The Ho Ho Ho's are coming early this year, and I know this because I just visited my best pal AG Howard's website, and all the evidence is there.

No, no, not reindeer droppings and cookie crumbs, I'm talking a MAJOR contest. MAJOR as in: A signed ARC of SPLINTERED, a critique by THE Jenny Bent, and so much more free swag it makes my head spin just to think about it.

The contest only runs until July 25, so get off your lounge chair and pop on over -- FAST!

Sunday, July 1, 2012

CAUGHT ON CAMERA! An author living her dream...

WARNING! WARNING!
The images you are about to see are real. 
They have not been manipulated in anyway. 
(Though the unphotogenic subject wishes they would have)


Our crack camera crew was perusing the streets of downtown 
San Diego last night, when they stumbled upon a rarely seen sight. 
A sight most of us never encounter with the naked eye. 
The sight of an author living out her wildest dreams.

(In case you haven't been, please read the rest of this post in a quiet and serious voice, a la the narrator on a particularly savage Animal Planet documentary. Think Serengeti and antelopes being taken out by lions. Er...don't actually, those always make me cry. Just think intense.)



We first noticed the author sitting just behind the glass panes at a table inside the Karl Strauss Brewery and Restaurant. She appeared deep in thought. Contemplating her future, perhaps? Or wondering when that Fiber One bar was going to kick in? Either way, we knew we were onto something significant, so we saddled up at the nearest patio table and as inconspicuously as possible, 
began the photo-documentation of this author's evening.


Once we got passed the enormous mess of blonde hair that was no doubt transporting illegal immigrants, we realized the author was reviewing some sort of paperwork. 

What could it be?

Minutes passed. 
The camera crew ordered a pitcher of beer and an appetizer sampler.
What was taking so long? 
Finally, as if aware the crew was watching, the author raised the document to the glass and pointed.


The Perseus Book Group.

"Ah ha!" Bradley, a dreamy, bright blue-eyed camera men exclaimed.
"That appears to be a book contract!"

Collectively, the crew sucked back a deep, expectant breath. 
Could it be? An author...signing a book contract?

IMPOSSIBLE! 
THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN TO AUTHORS LIKE HER!

Time ticked away. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
The camera crew grew uneasy.
Will she sign?
Will she sign?



Finally, the author withdrew a pen from the giraffe-printed tote that sat on the seat beside her. 
It was none other than a blue, stick Bic.
The kind with the grippy-tip.
And that's the moment the crew knew they were on to something huge:
Grippy-tipped Bic's only comes out when something big is going down.


For minutes the author reviewed and signed. 
One after another. 

After another.

She finally stopped when a total of four documents had been signed. 


Tears swelled in her eyes, sparkling against the setting sun that washed through the window.
Had she just accomplished a life-long dream?
The man sitting opposite her (with freakishly long eyebrows), slid a beer across the table.

With a grin of gratitude, 
she lifted the cold glass to her lips and took a long, 
well-deserved drink.

Though the camera crew cannot confirm what transpired last night, 
it seems fairly apparent that an author signed her 
publishing contract right in front of us.

May wonders never cease.

(No goats were harmed during the documentation of this event)