Sunday, March 31, 2013

Buckling up for April

Whew.

Fan Club, March was a doozie.

For those of you don't know, I lost my mom to a very brief, and unexpected bout with cancer on March 15. It's amazing how your world can completely change direction in 3.5 weeks time, but that's exactly what mine did. It drastically changed course and started heading down a path I didn't like. It was a road that didn't include my dear friend for evening phone calls to rehash the events of my day. It didn't allow me couch-time with my personal adviser for those much-needed parenting tips. And it made no room for my biggest editorial cheerleader to root me on through the most exciting experience of my life. It was a path I knew I'd head down one day...but I wasn't ready for the one day to be today.

Now we're sixteen days out, and I am so grateful to report that the road doesn't seem quite so lonely anymore. It's true that my heart is still mending, I imagine that is a wound that will never fully heal, and I still find myself bursting into tears at the most unexpected times, but I'm learning that while God may have taken my angel to heaven, He replaced her with a lot of other angels, each one eager to help fill in the gaps her absence has left behind. (Holy run-on sentence!). And along with these amazing supporters has come the desire to pour myself back into the busyness of my life--not because I want to move on and forget her, but because living my life is the best way to honor her.

And with that, I am now eager (and slightly terrified) to face what I anticipate to be one of the busiest months of my life. Between my first edit letter (due any moment), having my wisdom teeth pulled, a visit to a local high school to hang w/the teenage book club (insert Fear Factor moment here), a couple of blog interviews, a photo shoot, and a wedding anniversary, April is going to be one heck of a month--but I'm ready for it. I am SO ready to start heading down this new road. And while I know her footfalls won't be audible from this earthly vantage point, I have no doubt Mom will be walking beside me every step of the way.