Thursday, July 7, 2011

BLACH! Quick, get it off!

BREAKING NEWS: ROOKIE RITER FALLS VICTIM TO THE EVER-EVOLVING MEME!

Son of a BIATCH!


Somehow I thought I could sneak through another round of Memes without having to participate (I'm lazy, guys), but at least three of my blogging b
uds have tagged me like a cheap hooker at closing time--guess that means I have to put out. Because I have some very talented, funny, and slightly sadistic friends who have already contributed to this round of debauchery, I thought I'd combine a few of their questions and a few of my own, creating one, seriously jacked-up meme. So, here we go...

1. If you were a rutabaga, would you be hot?

I would be. Especially if I was on the grill.
Wait, what is a rutabaga?

2. When was the last time you ate lion meat?

I live in San Diego, which means we are just one Disney dvd ride from the happiest place on earth. If you've ever been to the Magic Kingdom you'll recall they used to serve enormous turkey drumsticks from an umbrella'd cart just outside of Fantasy Land and also near Sleeping Beauty's Castle. What you may not know is
that under President Obama's recently implemented turkey embargo (It's true. I read it online), the fine folks at Disney are no longer allowed to serve their famous turkey legs. Instead they're using Lion. They call them SIMBA STICKS. I agree...it's a little tasteless considering the venue, but damn, they're good! Anyway, the last time I had lion meat was...spring break.

3. Upload a picture of something that makes you smile.
WalMart and I go together like toe fungus and banana bread. The fine folks I see trolling through the ROLL BACK bins always bring a smile to my face. Always.




4. Name one habit that makes other people plot your demise.
I am a schedule Nazi. I like routines. And I expect others to follow them, too. HEIL!

5. How many goats, stacked atop one another like Yertle's Turtles, would it take to reach the moon?
Uh...it's my understanding that space exploration has been given the big middle finger so...I can't even contemplate an answer for this one. But I'm guessing more than 4.

6. Describe yourself using obscure Latin words.
Pelo grande y rubio, ojos azules y
muy sarcástico. Latin?? Seriously...who speaks Latin any more? Hable Espanol or go home!

7. If you could shave someones head while they slept, and they'd never know it was you who did it...would you?
Definitely. I'd start with this chick.
And finally,
8. Where da muffin top at?
Is that something you can order from McDonalds in the bad neighborhoods??

I'm not tagging anybody with this meme because they've all done it already and, as previously stated, I'm just freakin' lazy.