Christmas in March

Ho, ho, ho. Santa's coming early this year!

Had you told me two years ago I would be obsessed with a fictitious world where a gang of sexy, tormented vampires protect the streets from white-haired, baby-powder smelling Lessers so the rest of the vampire world could live in harmony, I'd have told you to put down your crack pipe and stop smoking! But I can't do that because I am obsessed. I am, dammit! I AM OBSESSED! (insert diabolical laugh and raised brow now).

Mark my words: Tuesday, March 29, 2011, sick day records will be shattered throughout the workplace. This is going to be bigger than Swine Flu, H1N1 and SARS combined. 25-45 year old women across the country will be couching it with "headaches" and "upset tummy's" next Tuesday--all because we can't wait to see what the Brotherhood is up to this time.

Am I pathetic? Yeah.

Am I addicted? Definitely.

Is this why we read? TOTALLY!

Don't believe me? Check it out for yourself:

www.jrward.com

Womack Woes...

I'm not sure who is more upset this morning; Brad for choosing a girl who so clearly doesn't want him, or yours truly for getting suckered into watching another season of that damn show. And now we find out that Ashley, the soon-to-be dentist with the gigantic forehead, is the next Bachelorette?! ARGH--what's a viewer to do?

(watch, of course)

The waiting room

The doctor's office.
The car dealership.
Your email inbox.

Wherever you are, waiting sucks.

Whether it's the outdated magazines, stale coffee, downed server or the demon possessed three-year-old whose parents think spanking is a felony, nothing makes waiting easier.

Or does it?

I've been chatting it up with some new friends over at QueryTracker and I have to say, I love knowing that I'm not alone in this venture to find an agent. I mean, who wouldn't want to know that fourteen other hopefuls were rejected by the same agent? And who doesn't enjoy vying for the fastest rejection time? (4 minutes was mine, but I don't think I hold the record).

The bottom line is, the old adage is true: MISERY LOVES COMPANY
While I may not be able to take a buddy with me to my next root canal appointment, you better believe I'll be hanging with my QT friends in the waiting room over there. If I've gotta go through this painful, exhausting, worth-every-second of it journey, I'd rather go through it with people who know exactly how I'm feeling.

So if you're trying to get published (I have 2 readers...this is a funny suggestion) go check out QueryTracker.com--there is safety in numbers people!

CHEERS TO THAT!

I could easily think of a thousand reasons why the consumption of an adult beverage is a necessity. However, I have lots to do (like finish the first season of MAD MEN) so I won't bore you with overkill. Instead, I've compiled a list for your reference:

1. Holidays. (No explanation necessary)

2. Rejections. Particularly when someone says your manuscript is "cliche". (Thanks for reading beyond the first 30 pages!)

3. Children. (See #1)

4. Brad Womack is the new Bachelor. Again.
5. You couldn't say "no" to that slice of leftover birthday cake and now your jeans feel tight.

6. Cramps.
7. Waiting for J.R. Ward's latest installment of the Brotherhood.
8. Atheists.
9. Joy Behar.
10. It's there.

VIRTUE OR PAIN IN THE A*S?

Patience has never been my thing.


Case in point: the ceramic angel I painted when I was about seven...

After a trip to LeeWards (Denver's version of Michael's in 1982) my older sisters and I stationed ourselves around the ping pong table in the basement and set to work painting our ceramic masterpieces. I remember taking the brush in my hand, and eyeing the beautiful array of colors...my angel was going to be stunning! I'd make her look just like the angel on the box; with long, blonde hair, shimmering blue eyes, and even a faint dusting of pink on her cheeks. I'd take my time and do it just the way I wanted...

Two minutes later she was complete. And she looked nothing like the angel I'd imagined in my head. Disappointed, I ran to my mom to ask her what I could work on now that I'd finished the angel. She said, "Paint it again." So I did. About twenty-seven more times.

I'm pretty sure I saw that angel strapped to the hood of a Miata at the gay pride parade last year.

And so now I ask this question: Is Patience really a virtue, or is it just a royal pain in the ass that you're either born with or not?

Time to call the professionals...

Up until this point, the responses I've received from agents have fallen into the following four categories:

1. Form Rejection: "Dear Author, I'm sure your book is good, but I am too busy to care..."
2. Polite, Personal Rejection: "Dear Bethany, thank you for your submission. It is not what I'm looking for..."
3. Encouraging, Personal Rejection: "Dear Bethany, what a great concept. Unfortunately I'm not currently in the market for chick-lit..."
and finally,
4. Encouraging, Give Me More: "Dear Bethany, You've nailed Peggy's voice--it's fresh, charming, and lively--and the title is superb..."

AND THEN LAST WEEK I RECEIVED THIS:
"Dear Bethany, Thanks for your submission. While your subject and writing interest me, as I began to read I found your manuscript filled with punctuation errors, which were distracting and detract from its professionalism. I'd suggest having your manuscript professionally edited before resubmitting it."

OUCH, STOP! THAT HURTS!!!
After my ego stopped bleeding, I took a look at the email with a little more diplomacy. First, she said "your subject and writing interest me". That's much better than, "this sounds stupid and you write like a left-handed preschooler." Secondly she said, "before resubmitting". Now it may be a stretch, but it sounds to me like she's offering me an opportunity to make it better and let her take a look at it again. That too, is a good thing.

So now I'm left with the question...DO I GET AN EDITOR?

I was well in the thick of mulling over the question of the day, when low and behold I received this email from another agent: "Dear Bethany:We are interested in reading your manuscript. Could you please send it as an MS Word attachment? Thank you."

It took me all of about nine seconds, and multiple confirming emails from my friends/family, to say, "YES. I NEED AN EDITOR." And that's exactly what I've done. I've gone and hired myself an editor. While part of me is anxious that it's officially been one week since the agent above requested the full manuscript and I've not sent it to her, I am confident that holding it for 2 weeks, so it can be in its most polished condition, is a much better decision then sending her something not entirely complete.

Of course, I wish I could go back and send Robyn, the first agent who requested my material, the revised manuscript (and I may do that if I don't hear from her before the revision is complete), but I think this is a wise decision on my part. After Jenni the editor works her magic, I will feel absolutely confident that what I am sending out is in its most perfect condition.

Here's to letting the professionals do their thing.
(And the agent who's tough words actually motivated me to make my book better)

Side note: I thanked that editor and asked if I could resubmit after revision. Her response: "Of course. I'd be happy to see it."

So THIS is what it feels like...

Last Thursday evening, I received an email from my dream agent, (someone I actually met at a writer's conference the first morning, who was the sweetest, nicest, cutest little thing you could imagine), informing me that she liked the first chapter of the book enough to request the full manuscript with, "an eye toward representation."

After I did a little white-girl-jig, and a very loud, oooh!oooh!oooh! through my living room and kitchen, which is tricky considering I was just over 2 weeks out of knee surgery, the reality of the moment set in.

1. Someone is taking me seriously as an author
2. Someone might actually publish my book
3. Shit! I haven't revised it enough
4. She's going to hate it, laugh at me, and send an email to every, single, solitary literary agent in the continental US, (maybe even our neighbors to the north), telling them to steer clear of the girl who doesn't always know when to use a semicolon or that "succulents", when referring to plants, is not spelled, "succulence". (spell check sucks).

Fears aside, and there were many, I .pdf'd the entire manuscript to 'dream agent', hard copy following later in the day, and now I get to wait...
and wait...
and...my, aren't you sharp...yes, wait some more.

I hope (pray) that she will look beyond the typos and punctuation fatalities, and will fall in love with the characters just as I have -that she'll see the uniqueness in the story, the sarcasm in the tone and the voice behind the author. If she can't see those things, than I suppose she's not the person I'd want repping my book anyway. But I like her - I really do, and I couldn't have designed a more perfect agent to give me my first taste of 'what could be' than her.


THIS BREAKING NEWS JUST IN: I've started a new book: Jilted left-at-the-altar bride seeks retribution on ex-fiancee through highly unconventional, hopefully fatal means.

Bottom line: I'm excited! I'm anxious! I'm nervous! I'm scared! But more than anything, I'm trusting...
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." - Psalm 37:4
(in the end, His plan may not include a book with my name on the spine; but what He does promise is something far greater...I cannot complain about that.)

Be well. I'll keep you posted.