Confession time

Forgive me Fan Club, for I did something disgraceful Monday night.


I used my daughter's handicapped placard when she wasn't in the car.


I know, I know...it's awful. IT IS. I scorn and judge people who abuse handicapped privileges. But I contend that charging someone $20 for 4 hours of hospital parking when they've just spent the afternoon checking a family member into said hospital is also awful. In the midst of conflicting doctor assessments, IVs, and trying to watch the Bachelor in the midst of wildly buzzing alarms and hacking patients (get that woman some drugs, already!), how on earth could I be expected to remember to get validation on my way out?!

You see, parking is free for handicapped visitors, and while I didn't park in a handicapped space (NO! NEVER!), I didn't bust out my Visa to pay the tab, either.

I beg your forgiveness, dear Fan Club, and despite my convincing argument, recognize that I was in the wrong. I promise to never do it again. (Of course, if the ACE Parking attendant should see the placard on my seat upon leaving the parking structure and suggest that my parking is free, I can roll with that, right?!)

-End Confession.

HOORAY FOR VALENTINES!

Relax, Francis. 
I'm not here to confess my burning desire for candy hearts and tender kisses next Thursday, (however, if Mr. Efron is willing, I'm totally available) I'm here to tell you about the hysterically fun group of 2014 debut authors I've hooked up with. We're called...THE VALENTINES!! I know, I know...cutest name evah!

There are 14 of us Valentiners and we plan to have more fun this year than the Blogger usage agreement allows. Author interviews, prize packs, and enough shenaniganizing to make those houligan Friday the Thirteeners look like a bunch of Girl Scouts. (For the record, I have purchased 2 boxes of Samoas, 2 Thin Mints and 2 Tagalongs and haven't eaten one. I know...it's impressive).

It's only appropriate that our inaugural post be on Valentine's Day. So, in between bites of Godiva goodies, or sniffing your roses, please swing by and say hello. 

And if you want to have a little fun before then, tell me what you'd write on a candy heart if you could. The only rule: you have to give it to an agent who rejected you. I think mine would say: SUBJECTIVITY BLOWS or maybe, YOUR BOOK SUCKS, TOO ... I'll keep working on 'em. 

Love you all, and have a happy Valentine's Day!

OUT WITH THE COOL, IN WITH THE...PRACTICAL?!

Or so I keep telling myself

So close to the ground with doors that slide,
Tears of laughter over you I've cried.
Not quite a bus, but much more than a car,
Your bumper laced with stickers claiming, "My kid's a star!"

From the perch of my Jeep, I hauled my kids to school,
Only 14 MPG…but still ever so cool.
While you in your van, looking Old Mother Hubbard,
No doubt going to Wal-Mart to restock your cupboard.

From the ball field to dance class,
The grocery and work,
"It's just transportation,"
Oh please…don't be a jerk.
Your car is your identity, it defines your style.
At least so I thought for a good long while.

My road to acceptance was long and grueling,
And almost as painful as the constant refueling.
"I can't get a van! I can't, no I won't!"
Until that day when my back I near broke.

My dilemma, the fifty-eight pounder I call Becca Boo,
She can't climb into her booster the way other kids do.
With limited leg room and out-swinging doors,
I was heaving, and hefting--it's no easy chore.

So after much research and some tears over beers,
I made the decision I've been fighting for years.

Practicality over appearance,
Function over fun.
I've got myself a minivan,
My SUV days are done.

So goodbye Jeep Commander, hello Honda Odyssey.
I look forward to smooth sailing road trips,

and ample room for the ENTIRE freaking family.

Actual photo taken on our trip to Yosemite two years ago. My sister still has her Commander. I am now forced to get my cool from her. (Please don't tell her I said that)

Getting to know author Kaylie Austen

Hey Fan Club!

It's time for another high stakes, nail biting, Rookieriter author interview! *slides on nosy nellie cap. Adjusts it. Gives up and tosses it on the floor.* (Too much flippin' hair)

I'm happy to introduce you to my online pal, Kaylie Austen. Kaylie's a hard working author with a heart of gold, and I'm thrilled she wanted to swing by my place for a little chat about her new book, RAVENS. (Available February 15!!) She's also giving away a free copy over at Goodreads, so swing by and join in the fun!

RR: Tell us a little about your book.
KA: Ravens are children who mysteriously disappear from our world and transported to a parallel universe. They have weird eyes, uncanny powers, and tragic lives. Kendra was spared when her sister, Julie, and friend, Liam, were transported ten years ago. For a decade, Liam’s used his telepathic powers to communicate with Kendra in order to get her to the portal site. Of course, she thinks she’s going crazy. Liam needs her, for more than one reason, and enter betrayal and lies. 

RR: What is it about Kendra that will make readers root for her? 
KA: Kendra is lost, figuratively and literally. She’s spent a decade fighting off bullies and the crazies. She has one friend, hunky Randal, and absolutely no plans for life. All she wants is to get over what happened to Julie and Liam, and of course to get Liam out of her head, but when she transports, all she wants is to save Julie and love Liam. Perhaps Liam’s intentions were valid, but the way things go down leaves her in a emotionally compromised situation, especially when the people she loves in one world thinks she’s gone off the deep end and there’s nothing she can do to have a perfect happy ending.

RR: Your cover is gorgeous. Did you get much input? 
KA: Thanks! Yes, I did. It took a long while to get a cover that spoke to me, but I’m happy with the final cover.

(I know it's hard, but wipe the drool off your chin, guys. It's rude and I don't like housework)

RR: What are you reading right now? (for pleasure)
KA: Endgame by the lovely Ann Aguirre

RR: How do you handle writer’s block?
KA: What’s that? I only write when the muse lets me (she’s kinda demanding sometimes), otherwise I work on edits, revisions, or return to reality. I can’t force myself to write, it never ends well.
*Rookie side note: A demanding muse sounds heavenly. Mine's a fat, lazy slug who only moves when he wants to*

RR: What’s been your biggest reality check since becoming a published author?
KA: How difficult it is to get published and how much work goes into a well crafted, plausible, plothole-less, invigorating story. That’s a tall cup to order! Plus, as the release date approaches, how much of my success hinges on the opinions of others. (gnawing my fingernails)

And just for fun, a few of my favorite James Lipton questions:

What is your favorite word? Schnitzel 
What is your least favorite word? Stupidest 
What sound or noise do you love? Raindrops on my back porch.
What sound or noise do you hate? Annoying songs.
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Astrophysics at NASA, genuine nerd.
What profession would you not like to do? Anything with math, I’m so bad at it.
(I agree. Math blows.)

Thanks for stopping by, Kaylie. I wish you all the best with your book!

Just Because...

WARNING! WARNING! 

RANT AHEAD!
(To any new Fan Clubbers, please be aware that on occasion I just have to vent. You'll get used to it. And you're always invited to participate with me. Misery...company...all that rot.)

Just because...

I can complete a full length novel, doesn't mean I'm the most obvious choice to write the elementary school newsletter. For starters, my novels are peppered with random swear words. Besides that...I really don't care about the school lunch menu or which teacher is going out on maternity leave. Yes, I AM that selfish. *Clears throat in preparation to deliver her mother of the year acceptance speech*

I have an agent, does not mean I have any pull to get you, your son, your granddaughter, neighbor or nanny into her literary door. Until my book gets turned into a movie...and people actually pay to see it, I don't have any clout people.

I want Wentworth Miller to kidnap me and make me his love slave, does not mean it's going to happen. Or that my mane of enormous curls will suddenly turn him straight.

The doctor says, "it's a sinus infection," does not mean that the drugs she gives me will actually make me feel better. *glares at the calendar...It's been 10 days*

I exchanged my Jeep for a minivan does NOT mean I am no longer cool ... er...Yeah, actually it does.  I'm crafting an appropriate license plate rim to explain this debacle as we speak. So far I've got, "My kid's wheelchair won't fit on my unicorn."

I'm bending over in front of you (to unload the dishwasher!) it is not an invitation to mount me Serengeti style.

Feel free to add your Just Because entries below...

On the Red Carpet with SPLINTERED Hottie, Jebediah Holt

Thanks, A.M., and welcome everyone to the Jebediah Holt side of SPLINTERED'S INTERNATIONAL RED CARPET EVENT AND GIVEAWAY! (For Morpheus’s interview, head over to the other side of the carpet where Jessica Nelson has him cornered…)

You'll have to forgive me if I'm not my usual ultra-professional self tonight, but ... come on! It's not every day a girl gets to stand beside the guy she's been daydreaming about for the last year. *winks at Jeb, whilst swiping the drool from her mouth* So Jeb, are you game to answer a few questions for the audience at home?

Sure. Fire away.

How did you and Alyssa first meet?

Al was eleven and I was thirteen. I was working on my mom’s car when my sister brought her over for introductions. Al kept staring at my bare chest. *ears flush red* I figured she was freaked out by my scars so I started to look for my t-shirt. She found it first and offered it to me. Our hands touched, and I noticed she had scars on her palms and wrists. She caught me looking and couldn’t get her hands in her pockets fast enough. I knew right then she was a kindred spirit.

When did you realize that you might have feelings for Alyssa? 
Realizing was never an issue. Like I said, when we met as kids, we connected. Admitting how much I’ve come to care for and rely on her since then … well, that’s where it gets sticky.
(Mmm...I like sticky)

I'm sure you have an opinion on why you should be with Alyssa and not Morpheus, so let me hear it!
*runs a hand through his dark hair* Sometimes I’m not sure she should be with me. I’m kind of a mess. But Al means everything to me. I want to keep her happy and protect her. I want to always be there for her. Maybe that can make up for my baggage. As for the mothman? That jerk has one agenda: himself. He wants to use her. No way will I stand by and let him hurt her for his own warped devices. *his green eyes narrow on Morpheus*

*Leans into Jeb's sight line, forcing his attention back to her and away from Morpheus*

So...what's your favorite piece of art Alyssa has ever created?
There’s this one mosaic she made out of crickets and glass and red berries. Winter’s Heartbeat. It’s incredible. It’s like a jeweled tree bleeding against a shiny black background. I always thought it felt so … real. Like it could actually exist. I had no idea how right I was, or the danger it could lead to.

Do you believe in magical places? 
Well, yeah … sort of. I think everyone has a magical place to go to when they’re hurting or sad. Mine is inside Al’s eyes. Even though she’s seen just as much disappointment as me, there’s still a light there that gives me hope. If that’s not magic, I don’t know what is. *glances across at Alyssa who stares back intently and blushes*

If Alyssa asks you to get rid of your lip piercing, will you do it to prove that she matters to you more than any other girl? *wonders what kind of crack-head Alyssa would be to suggest something so inane*

If it’s something Al needed for me to do, to prove how much she means to me, I’d do it in a heartbeat. But I can think of other ways to convince her she’s the most important girl in my life, ways that we could both enjoy … and there’d be no question in her mind.

Out of all of your art pieces that you've done what is your favorite? What's it about?
Mourning Glory. It’s a fairy sitting on a bench with a dead rose in her hand. She’s crying black tears and a pile of withered petals covers her bare feet. I was inspired to sketch it one day when I saw Al sitting alone in the park. She didn’t see me … was too busy crying and crumbling a flower until the petals scattered around her, mumbling at the stem like it could hear her. Al’s a pretty private person sometimes, so I hid behind some bushes and sketched while she got it out of her system. Then I bought her an ice cream and didn’t leave her side the rest of the day.

When did you get your lip pierced? *wills herself not to reach out and touch the pretty bobble*
*taps his rhinestone labret, his expression darkening* Two hours after my dad’s funeral. I’d wanted to do it a long time before that, but when I’d bring it up … *absently traces scars on his forearm* let’s just say it never ended pretty. Once Dad was gone, it was my way of proving to myself that his reign of terror was really over. That I was finally in control of my choices, of my body and my life.

Hardest skate trick you've pulled off?
A double laser flip, but I nearly broke an ankle nailing it. At least, that used to be my hardest trick … before we went to Wonderland.

Are you a sports fanatic?
Unless it’s dirt biking, rock climbing, or skating, I don’t have much use for it. But I do have a few friends on the Pleasance High football, track, and baseball teams.


You're gonna kick back and watch a movie with Alyssa, what are you watching and what is your snack of choice?
The movie is her choice. I’ll be stealing glances at her the whole time and miss the plot anyway. And snacks? *grins* That depends on what flavor lip gloss she’s wearing…
*swallows hard, wishing she had a cigarette*

Are you stubborn?
When it comes to protecting those I love or standing up for what I think is right, you bet.

In one sentence, sum up you first thoughts and feelings on entering Wonderland. 
Something’s wrong up in here.

Now Jeb, I know you and Morpheus aren't exactly...friends, but my co-reporter Jessie and I thought it would be very telling to interview the two of you, side-by-side, with the same questions--just to see how different you really are. You're game, right?! *Grabs Jeb's arm and drags him down the red carpet before he has time to say no.*

Hi Morph and Jessie--we're ready for the rapid-fire questions.

Have you ever chased a white rabbit?
Jeb: No. But I did dive down a rabbit hole once, chasing something a lot more important than a rabbit…
Morpheus: Yes, one who escaped my dinner plate. For the record, he later became a delightful hasenpfeffer stew.

True or False: All's fair in love and war?
Jeb: There are exceptions.
Morpheus: No exceptions. It’s an absolute truth.

Your choice for underclothes: boxers or briefs…
Jeb *coughs and blushes*: Uhhh ... well, you can find out what I wear if you read Splintered—chapter fifteen.
*makes mental note to memorize chapter 15*
Morpheus *smirking*: They can be as brief as you like. But I’d prefer to buy you dinner first.
*silently curses herself for enjoying that answer*

What are three words you'd use to describe Alyssa?
Jeb: Tenacious, fragile, and innocent.
Morpheus: Maddening, loyal, and seductive.

What’s your favorite make out song?
 Jeb: *dimples flashing as he zones in on Al in the crowd*: Forevermore by Broken Iris.
Morpheus *leaning close to the microphone*: When it’s done right, luv, you make your own music. 

If you had only one day left with Alyssa, what would you do with her to make it a perfect day?

Jeb: We’d take my motorcycle to the lake where I used to fish with my dad—before things went bad. We’d swim then have a picnic, to make up for all the ones she missed out on having with her family. I’d paint her a mural on the rock wall that surrounds the lake. Then once the sun set, we’d climb into a sleeping bag and I’d kiss her until every strand of starlight seeped away.

Morpheus: We would take to the sky and watch Wonderland’s majesty pass beneath us. I’d waltz with her on the clouds and serenade her with the wind. Later, we would dine on candied spiders and sip dandelion wine, for she does love to torment her flowers and bugs. Then, cozied by the castle fire, I’d wrap her in my wings and make her forget everything about the human realm.

Jeb: *teeth clenched*: All right, bug-rot. That’s it. Me and you, outside. Let’s go.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Gentlemen, gentlemen, *holds one hand against each guy's incredibly taut stomach to prevent a brawl* *flushes* *kneeds like a kitten* No need to get testy... A.M, in an effort to keep the peace, (and my fidelity to my husband) I think we better call this interview a wrap. Back to you in the studio.

Thanks, ladies! Those interviews make me want to grab a hottie and jump headfirst back down the rabbit hole for some cuddle time! *snort/giggle/snog like crazy* Seriously though, we’d love to hear who’s stolen your heart, so leave your comments below.

Scroll down to the bottom of this post for a FANTASTIC international rafflecopter giveaway. Also, there are more OUTLANDISH RED CARPET INTERNATIONAL GIVEAWAYS that can be found here on A.G. Howard’s website!

That’s all from us in the studio. Thank you for coming!

Want to preorder SPLINTERED? Click the link below for ordering info…

http://www.abramsbooks.com/splintered/

Red Carpet Attributions:

Thanks to Jessica Nelson, Bethany Crandell, and A.M. Supinger for being extraordinary and entertaining MCs!

Thank you to Kalen O’Donnell for the spectacular Red Carpet Event banner and artwork!

And last but never-ever least, special thanks and gratitude to the following book-reviewers/bloggers/authors who fashioned the amazing list of questions for our guys:

A. Lynden Rolland
Brooke at the Cover Contessa 
Cat Winters
Christina at Ensconced in YA
Crystal at Winter Haven Books 
Gabrielle Carolina at Modpodge Bookshelf
Hannah at the Girl in a Cafe
Jaime Arnold at Two Chicks on Books
Jenny Phresh at The Party Pony
Kerri Maniscalco
Nikki at Fiction Freak
Nobonita Chowdhury at Daydreaming Bookworm
PJ Hoover
Rachel at Fiktshun
Riley Redgate at The Mighty Jungle 
Sarah Skilton
Suzanne Payne 
Angela Cook



a Rafflecopter giveaway

Don't get comfortable

I've had the pleasure of interviewing a handful of authors and agents over the last year or so, and while I'm far from Oprah (both in skill set and tanning ability), I think I'm pretty decent at it. I came up with some standard questions that give both insight to my guest's current work, as well as a peek at who they are outside their books/jobs, etc. Nothing too deep, but not the same ole questions they're getting bombarded with on everybody else's blogs. It's just tete-a-tete between two friends. Cozy. Friendly. Comfortable.

Comfortable.
Comfortable.
Comfortable.

*Rookie heaves a deep breath, hoping that if she types that word just one more time, her upcoming interview might actually be comfortable instead of what she knows, in her heart, it will be.*

Comfortable.
Comforta--CRAP!

It's no use guys. 

I can't possibly convince myself that my next interview is going to be comfortable. 

I CAN'T! 

A knot-bound tummy is not comfortable.

Standing on legs that wobble like over-cooked noodles is not comfortable.

When your heart pounds so violently that you're sure it will tear open your chest...yeah, definitely not comfortable.

Passing out for lack of oxygen because you can't catch your breath...GAWD! NOT COMFORTABLE!

And there is nothing, nothing, as UN-comfortable as being face-to-face with the man you've swooned over for months, knowing you're not the girl whose captured his heart.

Fan Club, my next interview could quite possibly destroy me. To be so close to someone so heroic, stoic and ... sexy, without license to have him for myself...I'm just not sure I'll survive it.

In the event that I fall dead of non-reciprocated desire before the interview is finished, I need one of you to pick up where I left off. Will you do that for me???

(Come back December 26th to see how it all plays out)